A collection of excerpts from english "signature files", more or less wise and humorous sayings related to computers, systems and geeks Collected from Usenet, mailinglists and other networks since 1991 --- "Practise safe computing ! Wear a write protect tab!" jc 1988 --- >>>>> Hierarchical systems are for files, not for humans <<<<< --- Friends don't let friends use MS-DOS --- "There can be only ONE operating system being relevant in the future : MS-DOS" -Bill Gates "Ceterum censeo MS-DOS esse delendam" -Cato d. Ae. [von: "Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam" = "uebrigens denke ich, Karthago muesse zerstoert werden", Red.] --- \ "With mainframes you just can do nonsense, with PCs not even that." \ --- DISCLAIMER: I take no responsibility whatsoever for any damage done to your monitor or mind resulting from your reading this article. --- "PC user? First door on the left, one cross each" --- "Daran ist in erster Linie dieses unsaegliche MS-DOS schuld." (Klaus Kemmler, Leiter Technologiezentrum Digital Equipment) --- "zesterdaz all mz kezboards were so far awaz." -- The Beatles in Germanz --- ( This is the world's first multi-media .signature. Please ask your System Operator to install the appropriate software so that you may also listen ) --- Computer industry: Industry in which the number of units sold of any given product is inversely proportional to its technical excellence. See also: MS-DOS, MS-Windows, PC, X, QWERTY, 80x86, TrueType --- ===== A computer virus is not a program, it's an antigram ===== --- Try Linux, You'll Like It. Linux A Day, Keep the DOS's Away!! --- | (o)(o) Software and cathedrals are much the same - @ _) first we build them, then we pray. | ___| --- "Programming is like sex: One mistake and you support it a lifetime." --- IBM isn't really that bad. In fact, they only have two problems: Their hardware and their software. --- Not tonight honey, I have a modem.... Let's talk about HEX, Baby, let's talk about TCP --- What do new Mac owners do with their spare time? Why, they try to format their RAM disks. . . --- The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is 9.8 m/s^2. --- "Linux: The choice of a GNU generation" --S. Frampton --- %SYSTEM-W-TMNYFNGRS, too many fingers on keyboard %SYSTEM-W-MONDYMRNG, monday morning %SYSTEM-F-GETACLUE, user doesn't know what he's doing --- We had Joy, We had fun, We were fork()ing on a Sun, but the joy is all gone, 'til the processes are Done [1]. --- |~~~~|_ Odisseas Kosmatos "Eat sh*t. 100 Million flies | O .| | Future owner of Microsoft Corp. can't be wrong." |.o |_| kosmatoo@jsp.umontreal.ca "Use Windows. 25 million |_._o| "I'm an android, not a robot! copies sold can't be wrong." BEER --- DOS is too DOSASTROUS for you??? Try UN*X!!! --- A supercomputer < is a machine that < runs an endless < loop in 2 seconds. < --- If a train station is where a train stops, then what is a workstation? --- PS: DOSen sind faszinierend. Ich verneige mich vor IBM und Microsoft. Wenn fuer Autos die gleichen Voraussetzungen gelten wuerden, gaebe es nur Einzylinder-Zweitaktmotoren mit Schlauchruesselzuendung und Hightech Motorensteuerung mit Treibersoftware fuer die Exdended Zylinder zwei, drei und vier, wobei diese nur mittels Zusaezlicher Treibersoftware laufen wuerden, welche selbstverstaendlich nicht kompatibel zur Klima- anlage ist, und bei gleichzeitiger Betaetigung der Fensterheber mangels Memory abstuerzen wuerde. Dafuer waere das Lenkrad Microsoft Mouse kompatibel... --- If Windows sucked it would be good for something. --- "Mann, was glaubst'n Du, was das fuer 'ne Rechenleistung is?" - "'n 66'er, _mindestens_" (2*anon, CeBIT '94, SGI booth, Onyx/PowerChallenge presentation) --- "Internet: a giant international network of intelligent, informed computer enthusiasts, by which I mean 'people without lives.'" -- Dave Barry, 2/6/94 --- Give me enough bandwidth and I can transmit the earth. --- %SYSTEM-S-PHALOKTARG, Phasers Locked on Target, Ready to Fire --- My law of computing hardware: pay now, or pay later, but believe me, you *will* pay. - Darcy Brockbank in comp.sys.next.hardware, 1994 --- --- Q. How many C++ programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A. You're still thinking procedurally. A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a change method from a generic light bulb class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message. --- |Gib GATES| | keine | | Chance! | --- "Im Uebrigen bin ich der Meinung, dass Windows zerstoert werden sollte." --- 'intel inside' stickers look best on toilet lids --- C++ is to C as Lung Cancer is to Lung --- I used to have a Life: Now I've got Linux. --- Peter Nitezki | Nitezki@NiDat.sub.org # Blessed art thou who knoweth Staarenbergstr. 44 | Tel.: +49 7251 62495 # not about the pleasure and D-76703 Kraichtal | Fax : +49 7251 69215 # delight of being hooked GERMANY | pgp & NeXTmail ok! # up to the Net. Peter 1,3-5 --- * Pascal programmers are so blind - because they can't C :-) --- | +++ Ashes to Ashes, Dos to Dos +++ | --- "Intel inside, but can it divide?" --- PANIC: /earth is full. Mankind dumped. --- "No keyboard, press F1 to continue" --- "'help' not expected." --- SunOS installation program. --- "I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943. --- " I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won't last out the year." - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957. --- "But what ... is it good for?" - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip. --- "There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home." - Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977. --- ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! --- Microsoft is not the answer, Microsoft is the question. NO is the answer. --- Every program has at least one bug and can be shortened by at least one instruction -- from which, by induction, one can deduce that every program can be reduced to one instruction which doesn't work. --- [...] When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb. --- "If there's no silicon Hell, where do all the Macs go?" --- Q: I think my PC is broken. A: Really? How can you tell? --- "The system has been practicing a noncomputational lifestyle ever since the boot disk became I/O challenged." --- "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons." - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949. --- LOAD "EMACS",8,1 --- REALITY.SYS Corrupted: REboot universe? (Y/N/Q) --- C++: Take one part C, 5 parts "bad hacks", 6 parts "bad language features", 9 parts "unclear on the concept", and blend. Has taste and consistency of vomit. --- This posting is (c) 1995 V. Herminghaus (vhs@NextDotCom.langen.bull.de). Microsoft Network is prohibited from redistributing this work in any form, in whole or in part. License to distribute this post is available to Microsoft Corp. for $1000. Distribution without permission constitutes an agreement to these terms. Please send notices of violation to Postmaster@microsoft.com --- Microsoft Network is prohibited from redistributing this work in any form, in whole or in part. License to distribute this post is available to Microsoft Corp. for $0.18 per word. Distribution without permission constitutes an agreement to these terms. --- o user (you'zer) n. 1 A waste of system resources; an unwanted load o o on the processor(s) of a Unix system. 2 Someone who uses Caps Lock. o --- >Solaris 2 is not an upgrade from Solaris 1. They just want you to THINK it is. --- C++ is the only current language making COBOL look good. --Bertrand Meyer --- C code. C code run. Run code, run. PLEASE!!!!!! --- "You don't want to get locked into open systems" --- WinDOwS Plug & Pray --- If your only tool is a hammer, you view all problems as nails! --- "International bank wires take a week. This says something disturbing about the speed of light in underwater cables." --john levine --- Neither your life, your liberty nor your property are safe when the legislature is in session. --- "Sometimes I think that the surest sign that intellegent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." --- "My wife and I always agree...however, never at the same time." --- There is no gravity, the earth just sucks. --- "Ranny, where yu is? "Leaning up aghence a banana tree" "Which banana tree?" "De banana tree dat is leaning up aghence me" - Miss Lou & Mass Ran --- Seminars, n.: From "semi" and "arse", hence, any half-assed discussion. --- To err is human, but to really screw up you need a computer --- How to become immortal: Read this signature tomorrow and follow its advice. --- "Verry funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes." --- "X was designed to run three programs: xterm, xload, and xclock." - The UNIX Haters Handbook --- robin -- "Out the 10Base-T, through the router, down the T1, over the leased line, off the bridge, past the firewall...nothing but Net." --- "The Wittenberg church door was Usenet for Luther's community." -- Nick Arnett --- Be aware: God may use a Pentium Chip! --- 'X is what it was designed for --- to open multiple terminal windows.' T.W. --- Black holes are bugs in nature's software. --- "Usenet is essentially Letters to the Editor without the editor. Editors don't appreciate this, for some reason." -- Larry Wall --- Life has many different colors, but ------ REAL Computing is black! [probably from comp.sys.next.advocacy] --- White Computers Can't Jump --- "Man sieht, dass der Speedup bei sehr wenigen Prozessoren, im Wesentlichen weniger als zwei, besser ist." - Urs Mueller, Vorlesung Informationsverarbeitung in neuronalen Netzwerken In english: "As you can see, the speedup with very few processors, basically less than two, is better." - Urs Mueller, Lecture in information processing in neuronal networks --- ... Windows IS NOT a virus. Viruses do something. ... C:\WINDOWS> DEL *.* I feel better now. ... Windows is a pane in the ASCII. ... OS/2 VirusScan - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/y)" --- DISCLAIMER - These opoi^H^H "damn", ^H, [esc :q :qq !q "shit!" :Q! "Whaddya mean, Not an editor command?" :wq! ^C^C^C !STOP ^bye ^quit :quit! !halt ... ^w^q :!w :wq! ^D :qq!! ^STOP [HALT! HALT!!! "Why's it doing this?" :stopit! :wwqq!! ^Z ^L ^ESC STOP :bye bye bye! "Hey, what's this red button d..." --- Applications programming is a race between software engineers, who strive to produce idiot-proof programs, and the Universe which strives to produce bigger idiots. - software engineers' saying So far, the Universe is winning. - applications programmers' saying From Wizardry Compiled, the sequel to Wizard's Bane, by Rick Cook. --- Pentium - the first real processor featuring the new RISK technology --- "See the Troubleshooting section for more detailed information on megabytes." aus einem Festplatten-Manual --- Fuer die einen ist es Windows 95. Fuer die anderen die groesste DOS-Shell der Welt. --- Fuer die einen ist es Windows --- --- fuer die anderen die laengste Batchdatei der Welt --- - My other car has a mouse. --- Popcorn kernels are nothing more than regular corn kernels that were recompiled. --- "Remember, obsolescence (Win95) isn't an accident; it's an art form!" --- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- All except Microsoft Network and America Online are granted the rights to distribute this message on Usenet newsgroups and to archive it on any storage device. However, you are not allowed to sell a package (disk, tape or CD-ROM) in whole or in part containing this message without the approval of the author, Christian Nielsen at cnielsen@inquo.net. If you want to sell an archive which includes this message, you agree to send me a free copy of it for examination purposes. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Microsoft Network and America Online are prohibited from redistributing this work in any form, in whole or in part. Copyright, Christian Nielsen, 1995. License to distribute this post is available to Microsoft Network and America online for $1000. Posting, sending, or feeding this message without permission constitutes an agreement to these terms. Please send notices of violation to cnielsen@inquo.net, postmaster@aol.com and postmaster@microsoft.com. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- --- The purpose of software engineering is to manage complexity, not to create it. --- In 1984 Apple introduced Windows 95...They called it Macintosh. It had folders, icons, a nice desktop, and a trash can. --- Windows is an old sioux-expression, and it means that "a white man is staring at a sand-watch on a screen." --- A Pentium 90 and WIN95 allow you to make very fast, high-precision mistakes in large quantities. --- Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor --- If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL, and OBOL. --- How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None: Microsoft declares darkness the standard. --- Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw. --- Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum --- "The parallel port interface can connect to a standard bidirectional PC parallel port, where high speed is easily handled even under Windows whithout risk of losing any data." (ZyXEL Communications Corp.) --- "> [...] That could be best left for a Nutshell book on Sendmail. In England we have the Obscene Publications Act, which would probably prevent its import." - Ian G Batten --- Object-oriented means that the objects displayed on the screen - such as buttons, boxes or lists - mean something to the operating system, just as words mean something to DOS. - Ron White, How Software Works --- How many C++ programmers does it take to screw-up a lightbulb? --- Die Dateien, in denen die Programmdokumentation enthalten ist, haben normalerweise die Endung ".c", -- Kristian Koehntopp --- "Bill Gates wife has informed him that the deployment of Bill Gates IV has been delayed for another 6 months due to a redesign of the user interface." --- "I recognize that a class of criminals and juvenile delinquents has taken to calling themselves 'hackers', but I consider them irrelevant to the true meaning of the word; just as the Mafia calls themselves 'businessmen' but nobody pays that fact any attention." -- Robert Bickford --- "I've discovered that P == NP, but the proof is too small to fit in the margins of this signature." --- *** Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? *** --- %DCL-W-SOFTONEDGEDONTPUSH, Software On Edge - Don't Push. --- "Bill Gates says no matter how much more power we can supply, he'll develop some really exciting software that will bring the machine to its knees." -- Intel VP David House, 16 October --- If debugging is the art of removing bugs, then programming must be the art of putting them in - Edsger W. Dijkstra --- Bill Gates stoert im Auftrag von Ausserirdischen die technologische Entwicklung der Menschheit. --- "In cantonese C++ is called C ga ga" --- Microsoft bought MS-DOS from a Seattle company, and it was called QDOS then (Quick and Dirty Operating System). Some say it is not quick anymore, but the rest stays the same. --- Wilson Roberto Afonso --- Windows 95 hat jetzt echtes Multitasking: Es kann nun zur selben Zeit booten und abstuerzen. (Stefan Peters) --- "America Online -- Where the men are men, and so are half the women." --- "As a software development model, Anarchy does not scale well." -Dave Welch --- If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports. --- To define recursion, we must first define recursion. --- Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. --- E-Mail: For when you absolutely, positively, have to lose important documents at the speed of light. --- The gates in my computer are AND, OR and NOT; they are not Bill. --- "DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Comaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macinoths fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher form of life." New York Times, November 26, 1991 --- "Das gefaehrlichste am Internet sind die Zeitungen, die drueber schreiben und nichts davon verstehen." Ulf Jenninger in de.org.politik.spd --- "Why use Windows, when you can leave through the door?" --- Hiroshima '45 Tsjernobyl '86 Windows '95 --- "The box said: "Requires Windows 3.1 or better," so I bought a Macintosh." --- "Computer languages follow the extended Sapir-Whorf hypothesis, which states that because the Eskimos had 900 words for snow, they decided to move north." -- Dave Griffith --- If there's ever a nuclear holocaust, the only things left alive afterward will be cockroaches and spammers -- Dan Gillmor, Mercury News --- The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find pictures of people having sex with dogs. --Time Magazine, 3 July 1995 --- If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, then we would be so dumb not to understand it. Albert Knag in Jostein Gaarder's Sophie's World --- Microsoft is for computer what McDonald's is for fine food Martin Wunderli (Martin.Wunderli@jungle.ch) --- "How many AOL users do you need to change a lightbulb? One. Me too. Send me a copy! Me either! ME TOO!!!!" guenther@cabal.shnet.org (Thorsten Guenther) --- Unix regular expression: (.*[^-a-zA-Z0-9_.])?) Windows regular expression: "Damn.... it crashed again" --- Masochist: Windows programmer with a smile! --- Your mouse has moved. Windows NT must be restarted for the change to take effect. Reboot now? --- Remember : "rm -rf" means "Read Mail - Really Fast" --- Q: Why do PCs have a reset button on the front? A: Because they are expected to run Microsoft operating systems. --- "90% of people GET Windows - Maybe 5% CHOOSE it." --- Unix is smart enough to pretend to be a terminal for any other operating system. Any other operating systems is dumb enough to believe it. --- Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days. --- The NeXT computer: "The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a Workstation, the unit sales make it a Mainframe." - unknown --- * Progress (n.): The process through which Usenet has evolved from smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of smart terminals. -- obs@burnout.demon.co.uk (obscurity) --- Windows 98 - Echtes WINE Feeling jetzt auch unter DOS. --- Don't throw your PC out of the window, throw Windows out of your PC and run linux! - Gernot Kerschbaumer --- We are Linux. Resistance is an indication that you missed the point. --- "...one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs." -- Robert Firth --- There's no place like ~. --- Even if thy LORD spammeth on us - it would be evil. --- "The Internet? We are not interested in it" -- Bill Gates, 1993 --- "If you came across Bill Gates struggling in a raging river and you had a choice between rescuing him or getting a Pulitzer Prize-winning photograph, what shutter speed would you use?" --- UNIX is like a wigwam - no gates, no windows and an apache inside. --- - In God we Trust -- all others must submit an X.509 certificate. - - Charles Forsythe. - --- Computer wuerden Linux kaufen --- "I heard if you play the NT-4.0-CD backwards, you get a satanic message." "That's nothing, if you play it forward, it installs NT-4.0" --- Those who do not understand UNIX are condemned to reinvent it - poorly --- Nur ein deinstalliertes Windows ist ein gutes Windows. --- Microsoft: Re-inventing square wheels --- "Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pac Man had affected us as kids, we'd all now be running around in darkened rooms, bumping into people, munchin' pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." --- "Who do you think you are, God?" asked the victim of my cancelbot. I replied, "No. God works in mysterious ways. I follow established protocols." - Richard E. Depew --- Lass unter keinen Umstaenden ein Windows-Programm wissen, dass Du in Eile bist! --- "The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." Nathaniel Borenstein, Programming as if people mattered: friendly programs, software engineering, and other noble delusions. Princeton University Press, 1991 --- I invented Ctrl-Alt-Delete, but Bill Gates made it famous. -- David Bradley, original IBM PC design team --- Have you ever noticed that whenever Microsoft calls something 'Smart', it's definitely a feature you want to disable! --- question = ( to ) ? be : ! be; -- Wm. Shakespeare --- In the beginning was the word, and the word was content-type: text/plain --- And thus we find that Win98SE boots in O(1) runtime, although with constants such that a good implementation of bogosort usually beats it in practice. --- The Truth is out there. Has anyone the URL? --- The day Microsoft makes something that does not suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners --- bashian roulette: if [ $(($RANDOM%6)) -eq 0 ]; then rm -rf ~; fi --- If Windows is the solution, can we please have the problem back? --- Merke: DAUs an der Tastatur koennen mit jedem System Scheisse produzieren. Bei Windows passiert es nur oefter, weil ihnen ein Assistent dabei hilft. -- Charly Kuehnast --- Linux - Life is too short for reboots. --- 0 and 1. Now what could be so hard about that? --- RTFM error in front of keyboard. --- Und willst du's nicht im Guten, versuchen wir's mit booten --- *~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._. ASCII art?? I thought it was a regular expression! --- "What are those guys @MS smoking? I want it!!!" --- "The C Programming Language - A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language." --- Pascal - A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it. --- CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh!! --- PROGRAM - n. A magic spell cast over a computer allowing it to turn one's input into error messages. v. tr.- To engage in a pastime similar to banging one's head against a wall, but with fewer opportunities for reward. --- Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. - Donald Knuth --- When you say 'I wrote a program that crashed Windows', people just stare at you blankly and say 'Hey, I got those with the system, for free' - Linus Torvalds --- The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned. - Bruce Ediger, in comp.os.linux.misc, on X interfaces --- "Bandwidth is like candy given to a small child - you give the child one piece of candy and he wants a pound." -- unknown --- Spammer... Organspende... vielleicht koennten Spammer doch noch einem gesellschaftlich sinnvollen Zweck zugefuehrt werden? - Matthias Leisi in ch.admin --- Remember...the Internet treats censorship as damage, and routes around it. - philip bridge, on Swinog-Mailinglist --- * Help Microsoft combat software piracy: Give Linux to a friend today! * --- [Dean Johnson on Beowulf-mailinglist, about Microsoft entering the high performance computing market.] I would rather welcome them into the ring and beat them bloody rather than shouting insults at them across a crowded room. Bring it on! --- If everything worked the way it's supposed to, most of us would be out of a job. --- "Wenn Dich im Usenet einer einen Esel nennt, lach ihn aus. Wenn es viele tun, die ansonsten ganz vernuenftige Beitraege schreiben, dann schau Dich schon einmal nach einer Wiese mit saftigem Gras um." Christian Pree in de.alt.admin --- To err is human. To forgive is beyond the scope of the Operating System. --- Nobody can escape the transitive closure of references in the WWW. Prof. T. Stricker --- But pricing "information" is like trying to price air or price dreams. -- Bruce Sterling, in The Hacker Crackdown --- From rec.humor.funny: "Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of sXXXch, or the right of the people peaceably to XXXemble, and to peXXXion the government for a redress of grievances." -- but your ISP might. --- This is your brain: bash-2.05$ This is your brain on drugs: Starting Windows XP... Any questions? [from rec.humor.funny] --- Die einzige Sprache, die alle Programmierer beherrschen, ist fluchen. --- Q: Does NT have an uptime command? A: It doesn't need one ... checking uptime implies it's up.. --- "Es gibt technische Moeglichkeiten die Verbreitung von Inhalten zu unterbinden -- im Zweifel schickt man die Marines." - Andy Mueller-Maguhn --- Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions. --- Last year, out in California, at a PC users group, there was a demo of smart speech recognition software. Before the demonstrator could begin his demo, a voice called out from the audience: "Format c, return. Yes, return." Damned short demo, it was. -- Rev. Jihad Frenzy in c.s.c --- Wer bei Word das bekommen will, was er sieht, hat es ohnehin nicht besser verdient. -- Rolf Peukert in dcsmm zum Thema WYSIWYG --- "Internetfilter sind allenfalls gut geeignet wenig verbreitete Positionen und Inhalte so zu foerden, dass sie einen Bekanntheitsgrad erreichen, der sich nicht mehr kontrollieren laesst." --- Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. Andy Rooney (1919 - ) --- Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. Edward Shepherd Mead --- The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. Joe Martin, Porterfield --- To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Robert Orben --- If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld magazine --- "Digital files cannot be made uncopyable, any more than water can be made not wet." - Bruce Schneier in The Futility of Digital Copy Prevention --- Perl - the only language that looks the same before and after RSA encryption. - Keith Bostic --- Gates's Law: "The speed of software halves every 18 months." --- On toilets, it is better to be a user than an administrator --- Ein Platz in /dev/null ist immer frei. Michel Graedel in ch.admin --- Machines do not think and therefore can be much more reliable than humans. --- "Meine C-64-Basic-Uebungen hat niemand zu Gesicht bekommen, waehrend die in PHP verbrochenen Laufstall-Verunfallungen heutiger Milchgesichter die Welt verpesten und womoeglich von Schlipstraeger-Deppen als e-Commerce-Loesung gekauft worden sind." - Kristian Koehntopp --- Really, I'm not out to destroy Microsoft. That will just be a completely unintentional side effect. -- Linus Torvalds --- > Er versucht es wohl mit Windows ME...er ist ja auch erst 13 :) Window ME? Mit 13? Kann der nicht lieber Drogen nehmen wie andere Kinder in dem Alter? -- H. J. Zuehl und W. Krietsch in de.comp.os.unix.linux.misc --- Windows on supercomputers: "Are you sure you want to muliply matrix A with matrix B? [ ] Ok [ ] Cancel [ ] Give me more information on the term 'matrix'" --- And remember: X Windows is to graphics hacking as roman numerals are to the square root of pi. - Jamie Zawinski in screenhack.c --- Hofstader's Law: "It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstader's Law." --- For years there has been a theory that millions of monkeys typing at random on millions of typewriters would reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. The Internet has proven this theory to be untrue. - Anonymous --- - To the optimist, the glass is half full. - To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. - To the engineer, the glass is twice as large as it needs to be. --- GPL ist der Versuch, den Ring gegen Sauron einzusetzen. (gesehen auf symlink.ch) --- Bill Gates is a Persian cat and a monocle away from being a villain in a James Bond movie." -- Dennis Miller ---